...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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