I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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