I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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