You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
