I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
