You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
