No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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