I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
