If i come over, it means nothing
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
