i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
