Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
