Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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