i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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