I cannot find my penis.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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