he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
