well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
