I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
