**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
