Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
