My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
