nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
