I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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