Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
