Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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