I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We had sex on a dog bed..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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