dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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