shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
nutella sex= disaster
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
