so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
