im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
