He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
