Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
