spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
