I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
