At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
