Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
