It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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