He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
