your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
