Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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