I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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