so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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