he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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