Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
