I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The Olympian is in my bed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
