Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just cropdusted the office
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
