I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
