we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
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i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
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Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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