it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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