dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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