R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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