why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
