..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
