question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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