Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
