You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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