The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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