She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
