I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize