Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
