she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
