I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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