I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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