This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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