I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
