i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
