We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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