Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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