The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
