its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
