Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I wear drunk well.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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