Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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