we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize