The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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