hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pants are for mortals
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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