yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
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do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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