my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize