I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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