my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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