WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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