Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
