well I can't set my house on fire every night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
