I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
